J'AIR AH ME SEGG-LEMB
I make funny things
Steve Productions
Steve interviews Steve Revere, misanthropic younger brother of colonial icon Paul Revere, and uncovers some disturbing "facts" about our founding fathers. © Jeremy Seglem
Updates
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@amandafreitag congrats! You deserve it. Now just promise me you won't hire Booger.
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@timyoungtim his favorite juice is 'not from concentrate(ion)'
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Nowadays Hitler would be talking about a juice cleanse.
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Spoiled aliens will have their mom's remove the Earth's crust3 weeks ago from web | Reply, Retweet, Favorite
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Just like "Miller" or "Fletcher" are common last names in the US, so is "Ipodmaker" in China.3 weeks ago from web | Reply, Retweet, Favorite
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"How can we possibly play "These are the Days" with only 8,000 people?!?"3 weeks ago from web | Reply, Retweet, Favorite
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With all those members it was probably pretty hard for the 10,000 Maniacs to co-ordinate band practice.3 weeks ago from web | Reply, Retweet, Favorite
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@mrbarfcity on the back it says "Don't Thread on Me"4 weeks ago from web | Reply, Retweet, Favorite
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Stretch Armstrong wouldn't have needed a fucking spaceship to *step* onto the moon.4 weeks ago from web | Reply, Retweet, Favorite
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black astronauts drink wu-Tang4 weeks ago from web | Reply, Retweet, Favorite
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@elainehat actually sounds like a very @timyoungtim kind of name. Elaine... Hat. Jeff.. Earlobe.
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@elainehat is this elaine or a hat named elaine? I'm confused.6 weeks ago from web | Reply, Retweet, Favorite
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If you put legos in the oven for an hour, you'll end up with a Domino's Pizza or Wayne Newton, depending on which set you use6 weeks ago from web | Reply, Retweet, Favorite
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Whenever you're feeling down, just remember that people actually wear Kangol hats.6 weeks ago from web | Reply, Retweet, Favorite
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@pscarlyle Chaz Bono2 months ago from web | Reply, Retweet, Favorite
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@timyoungtim because Joe is actually an orphan trader, and these are his wares. The food is all just an illusion.
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Peep this new jam from @timyoungtim and Steve Productions: http://t.co/USGD5XY3252 months ago from web | Reply, Retweet, Favorite
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I've been taking a lot of St. John's Wart lately. And St. Peter's Zit, and St. Paul's Corn.3 months ago from web | Reply, Retweet, Favorite
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Touche'd by an Angel3 months ago from web | Reply, Retweet, Favorite
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Pickle Me Elmo would've been incredibly popular amongst the DIY/Polish communities.3 months ago from web | Reply, Retweet, Favorite
Posts
I got this email earlier today. Let’s just say it gives new meaning to the word “Spam”…
Hey Jeremy,
Have you ever found yourself listening to the radio, maybe to music or the news, and craved food - more specifically, cured meats? I know I have, and that’s why I invented the Meat Radio©, the world’s first edible radio. My name is Shane Mangus, and I hope you’ll give my invention a try.
So you’re wondering: “How can a radio made from meat function?” Well, the Meat Radio© is just like any other portable radio, only it’s made entirely of meat - with the exception of it’s internal components and speakers, of course. You operate it like you would any other radio; the Meat Radio© has an On/Off switch, AM/FM tuner and volume knob.
“Oh! I get it Shane. But why do I want a radio made of meat?” Tell me where else you’re going to a find a top of the line piece of electronic equipment that can be eaten? Say you’re listening to a baseball game on a summer afternoon and you’re craving a big chunk of juicy ham. Well, rather than spend eight hours cooking a whole ham or waste cash buying one, just grab the Meat Radio and tear a piece off! Maybe you’re at the beach and forgot to pack lunch? Take out your trusty Meat Radio and get snacking. The best part about the Meat Radio© is that you can eat and eat and eat from it. There’s about eight pounds of meat per radio and you can chew it down to those safely encased internal mechanisms!
“So can I have any meat I want?” Well, that depends. To date, I’ve made radios from Salami, Beef Jerky, Bacon, and cured Ham - a real ham radio, if you will. I’ve tried ground beef, pork chops and other raw and cooked meats, but due to government regulations I can only sell you the salted, smoked and cured varieties. No worry, however, they’re the tastiest forms!
“Hey Shane, where can I buy one?” Unfortunately, if you’re a U.S. citizen, you’ll have to fill out the attached permit and have it notarized, and then appear before a judge who may or may not grant you the right to purchase a Meat Radio. But if you live in Canada, Mexico or anywhere else, you can order one directly from me, for $79.95 Any other questions? No? Ok then.
Best,
Shane “Meat” Mangus
Sometimes I wonder if I’m actually American. Not in a birther kind of way, but more in the sense that I don’t understand many of the prevailing attitudes shared by my fellow countrymen. Case in point is this weeks big event, the Bin Laden killing, and the subsequent outpouring of sadistic joy which followed.
Without getting all Alex Jones/black helicopters/New World Order on the circumstances surrounding his death, yea, Bin Laden was a total asshole, and he deserved to die for his part in one of history’s more surprising and terrifying attacks. Simple as that. But guess what? He was still a human being, and I think we can all agree that because of that, he should be afforded the same rights in death as in life. Regardless of who he was.
Unfortunately, Americans (among others) don’t seem capable of separating the actuality of existence from the perverse nationalistic sentiment that pulses through them. The idea of a good ole “lynching” so to speak, is a deep-seeded nugget of hate that still exists in the minds of many people here. That’s why I wasn’t surprised when crowds of ideologues marched up and down Pennsylvania Avenue the other night, blindly waving miniature American flags around and riling each other up with pro-imperialist banter.
Haven’t we learned anything since 9/11, the supposed “moment of change” for this country? Right after the attacks, I remember seeing multiple news outlets covering rallies in Palestine, wherein impoverished Arabs jumped and cheered in glee upon hearing the news. Of course, those tapes were later proven to be fakes meant only as appetizers for the war-gluttons here, but our reaction to them is what’s interesting. We watched as they cheered and we said “animals.” It was a sick display of hate and an even cruder form of humanity for anyone to smile and laugh at the plight of others. We recognized that. And yet, we can’t seem to help ourselves now.
America has a perception problem. Not just from other countries, who view us as ignorant, hypocritical imperialists hell-bent on overeating and colonization, but from within ourselves. We seem to think that because we have baseball stadiums and Hollywood and breast implants that somehow the rules don’t apply to us. We think, not only are we above everyone else, we’re not even on the same plane of reality. This deliberately insular attitude keeps expanding, and I’m not sure why.
I could go on and on and bring up Limbaugh and Palin and all the other schmucks who perpetuate this state of mind, but I think the basic idea is pretty clear: we have so much that is good and strong and right in this country, and yet we’re consistently brought down by this sort of nonsense. Rather than make eighteen facebook posts saying “I’m glad he’s dead!” or run around screaming anti-Islam profanities outside the White House, why don’t we take a long look at ourselves and see where we’ve come since this whole mess started? I thought we’d moved on, but I guess not. It’s time to wake the fuck up.